Appreciation broken down.

Life is very much ironic.
We would have to face the pending loss of someone or something close,before the long overdued appreciation kicks in.
But is it truly sincere appreciation on our part,or the inherent conscience that stokes this "reaction" in us?
I have not come upon a fair criterion to find out the answer, but although "reaction" might be the most explicit benchmark,i would think its a rather weak gauge to measure indubitable sincerity.


What reaction we may ask?
It may perhaps be;
1) Outright sadness through physical expression,
2) The almost never-ending questions of 'whys?'


These would definetely be the descriptive views.Yet how would we classify the unspoken,unseen inner turmoil a less expressive person might go through as a result of this sudden loss?
One's subtle 'proclamation' or show of his/her supposed visceral disquietude does not fall under this category.
On this count,the popular belief that actions speak louder than words does not count.
Sincere appreciation cannot simply be judged by the loud lamentations of loss,as different people deal with loss in myraid of ways.
I know of some who would dispense with the outright reactions,and acting in a fashion seemingly devoid of emotions.But through my past experiences,it has dawned upon me that these are the ones that get hit the hardest,and has a heart filled with appreciation.
It is perhaps the unfortunate ineptness of expression that holds them back from previously expressing it.
Bystanders or those in the picture might never see the light of their tumult,but it doesn't make the sincerity of the individual's gratitute or appreciation,albeit unseen,any less significant.

Pandora's box below my bed.....

Not much gets me down,or remotely affects me. But recurrences of a dream concerning someone i think i care about must say something. They say dreams are a manifestation of the unspoken thoughts. It isn't the lack of ready listeners, but rather i feel it doesn't domuch justice to the problem,to air your concerns. According to popular belief,verbally communicating your problem(s) is an effective antidote for feeling better about it. Rather,i choose to believe that by doing so,it emotionally reiterates the hurt,as the probable emphatizing party might un-intentionally lead you to believe so. Frankly i think,it serves no purpose at all.
Simply said,it doesn't snuff out the pain.

I miss that someone who was once close. The strength of the fear that holds me back from asking a simply "why" is probably on par to my need to know the reason why. On such a paradoxical note,I would like to spout a cliche. Seeking the answers to this is akin to opening Pandora's box.