This shovel isn't working...

It was a temporary reprieve from my 'much-too-serious' state of mind.
I'm picking at stories 6 feet under.
He's more real dead than the other could be alive.

Crossroads galore!

In the thick of all the bitterness i've felt and reacted suitably
to all of it, i've learnt hopefully; not too late that whilst my
reactions have reaped positive results, they did not originate from
somewhere pure.

Is it easier to ignore this on the grounds that survival comes first,
before anything?A resounding yes.
Is it valid to speculate that such behaviour of mine, under my assumption
that i'm avoiding harm's way might actually be me simultaneously digging another hole just behind me? I'm honestly afraid to find out the answer.

Someone should write a book about achieving the right mix of motivations that drive a person, without selling your soul. But that would be taking the easy way out.
In theory, it might actually be a cinch to understand the points an acclaimed writer makes. But in reality, to connect the dots in your life seems like a tough feat right
now. However, if this is the balance i seek, this is me taking one step closer to shifting my goal to one of a more satisfactory and fufilling nature, instead of one which is borne out of belligerence.

Who knows? My means to an end might even be more gratifying. The end is an ever-
changing dot, but i hope the beliefs i take with me on my journey will
be kept constant.